Thinking about that low intensity personal crisis, its causes, origin

 

During this days, after the weekend, from Monday to Thursday, I thought about what has happened in the place where I live because it has been this way most of my life, since I was a toddler.

Last night, Thursday, I realized that those neighbor’s attitudes, aggressive and coward, despicable, should not affect me more. Many people behave that way, all the time. This comes from their weaknesses, which in many cases hasn’t its origin in adverse life conditions (being victims of injustice and social inequality, having lived in poverty, or having suffered serious health problems which affected their growth and quality of life, etc.). Weakness of many individuals who detested or even hated me has had its origin on envy, which in turn had its source in the fact that they decided not to make an effort to turn their weaknesses into strengths; which is a psychological defense mechanism; Compensation. By doing that, they weakened themselves even more, as much as they could. That kind of people do not need enemies, they become self-sufficient, they decide that they will not allow anyone to ruin their lives because they can do that themselves.

 Things are changing in the country where I was born and I’ve lived all my life. Until recently, we had one of the worst administration of justice systems in the entire world. This problem is being solved at present, really quick.

Those neighbors, corrupt bureaucrats, Ramón and Marcela oppose the political system (party) which has ruled my country for the last seven years (beginning on 1 December 2018). This describe them as the kind of people who have been affected because they have lost privileges due to appropriate measures adopted by federal government. That woman, Marcela, has become linked to high bureaucracy, taking a pragmatic stand in life, as so many people do. They lack the brains to understand that by doing that, violating ethics, honesty and decency, they bring about their mental and emotional disintegration. Those neighbor’s situations will complicate even more because a competent administration of justice could bring a catastrophe to their lives.

Besides that, a number of neighbors (I couldn’t say how many) are linked to criminal syndicates (real estate cartels and the like) and there is a (catholic) temple that is visited by thousands of people every Monday, which of course, generates big profit. It is linked too to the above mentioned real estate cartels, and more.

Talking about me, I am a decent man. I am not a criminal, for I have avoided becoming that. Not only because I would not want to face consequences for breaking the law, but because I decided to adhere to ethics, honesty and decency. Having being target of very bad violence perpetrated by my father and other people —defamation of honor, moral damage— I have been singled out and stigmatized. Marcela’s wrongdoings (in which with high probability Ramón participated) should not affect me much.

I am a loner. Nobody ever visits me. I have never been seen in the company of individuals who look like wrong doers, criminals, hit men or anything like that. I do not abuse any kind of substance like alcohol or any legal drug. I have never used illegal drugs or anything of the kind.

Recently, I have decided to stop explaining anything about myself. Writing this seems to be a contradiction to that, but I will allow myself to do that for once. It helps me to face this kind of situation.

I feel it will be useful to add something else. I am 61. I have never been married, never had children.

Stupid people (have never been scarce) believe that an old single man is gay. If anyone believes I am such, I could not care the least. I am heterosexual and I do not intend to prove that I am not a homosexual. If anyone thinks I am that, homosexual, I do not care at all.

I will take that same stand in everything that concerns what other people think about me, whoever they might be, wherever it might happen.

I am close to healing. Violence which dominated my life would have ruined or even killed many other men, many of them people like those mentioned above, who avoided facing life’s adversity, decided not to grow stronger and by doing that, they weakened themselves even more, as much as they could.

Since I was a toddler, many people said that I was very intelligent. Honestly, I don’t think I am so smart. We live in a world full of idiots. In a place full of dwarves, an ordinary man who has adequate capacities is seen as a giant.

I am not so smart, it’s only that I am not as dumb as many people considered common, ordinary.

Albert Einstein comes to my mind

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about universe.