Monica is my twin sister. We were born 50 years ago in the north of our country and during our childhood, our fraternal relationship was good, or seemed to be.
I think that Monica developed an intense anger against me because she would have wanted to come alone to the world, not in the company of a brother; she would have wanted to be first in birth order, and she would have wanted to be a male. On top of that, her brother was born with fair skin while she was born brown. Monica knows consciously that I am more intelligent than her and this fact adds to her frustration and jealousy. Is as if instead of every one had been born with the one hundred which belonged to each of us, I had taken a hundred and sixty leaving only a fourty percent for her.
Monica hates me.
My twin sister came to her family’s home in June 2003 and her husband used her to attack me in a terrible way. The last time I spoke with her, Thursday June 5, she treated me as if I were a fool and had an outburst of anger that only a very serious pathology can explain. She got hysterical. Monica is very weak. Only that can explain that having suffered a much lesser violence than I did suffer, she can be so deranged. In her adult life, she has done very well and she lives without economic pressure, married, raising a family and being a citizen of the most powerful country in the world. Yet, she doesn’t enjoy life. Instead, she lives wallowing in bitterness and a very intense resentment.
Monica hasn’t been able to appreciate that being more intelligent than her has been of little use for me. I suffer from learning disabilities and that combined with the violence and hatred that my father exerted against me ruined my life. I live with a personality disorder and in adulthood I’ve fallen in poverty, bad health, isolated, poorly adjusted and unemployed. I didn’t deserve that, no matter what her husband says. My twin sister can not understand either that I did not choose the color of my skin nor my gender and had she been born male instead of female, our father would have destroyed her (him), as he did with me.
My twin sister and her husband are very religious, catholic. They go to Mass every Sunday but their religion doesn’t help them to be better people. Jeffery, is a weak man who has lived in conditions of stability since he was born and that has made all the difference, although he doesn’t have the slightest conscience about that. If adversity appeared in his life, he would crack in a matter of seconds. His acts are ill-intentioned and he has used his wife to despise me without me doing anything that can justify his deeds. What would have happened to him had he been born with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, never detected? What would have happened to him had he been the son of an evil, violent, alcoholic man who hated him and had the intention of harming him as badly as possible? What would have happened to him had his life been ruled by violence and a very serious psychological disorder? What does his religion say about judging other people?
My father accused me a thousand times of being a terrible son and brother. He said that I had been vile to my sisters, an absolutely untrue statement. I do not deny that I was not a good brother, but the violence I exerted against my sisters Monica and Yolanda was even with the violence they exerted against me. Our father was extremely incompetent and found me guilty of every accusation, not thinking about the possibility that it could be otherwise. My sisters used his incompetence and arbitrariness to hurt me. This was not a lesser deed.
I mention this because in our last telephone call, on June 5, Monica told me that she defended me against our father when we were children and teenagers (something I never stopped thanking her for), while I was vile to her. She repeated our father’s words verbatim. Monica has a memory that distorts events and she doesn’t remember at all the bad things she definitely did. She disguised successfully her sibling rivalry, but this emerged several times hurting me badly.
Eleven years have passed since Monica came to her family’s home with her husband and their posture about me hasn’t changed. They believe that my situation is deserved and that has hurt me badly. I have tried to go near God and stop hating, but it hasn’t been easy at all. The truth is that I haven’t had any success. My sister’s husband is a stranger and he is indeed a despicable person for being a coward, vile and manipulative. I can understand his behavior to a certain extent. Attacking me, he tries to elevate himself, to be compared with me, being victorious after such confrontation as an example of what a hard working and responsible man can achieve. I don’t think there is any need to comment anything on this, having mentioned the enormous differences between his life and mine. About my sister, I can’t understand her vile behavior. Monica accuses me of having done great wrong to her. I know I was not a good brother but I never hurt her half as badly as she has been hurting me for the last eleven years.
I don’t think Monica and her husband’s behavior draws them close to God, no matter how religious they are.
No hay comentarios:
Publicar un comentario