Qué hacen las personas envidiosas cuando no pueden competir contigo | Carl Jung

Existe algo más perturbador que el fracaso, y es percatarse que otra persona se ha convertido en lo que el observador evitó convertirse.

Eso es el efecto espejo

No es el éxito lo que ofende a las personas envidiosas, sino la existencia de quien lo ha conseguido, porque cuando esa persona se ha superado, se ha convertido en evidencia; evidencia de que la disciplina fue una posibilidad, de que el valor se hallaba disponible, de que los pretextos fueron elección propia. En el momento en que la vida de un triunfador se convierte en evidencia, la comodidad empieza a derrumbarse, porque la presencia de la persona observada deja de ser neutral; se convierte en la confesión que siempre jamás estuvieron dispuestos a hacer.

La envidia es el tributo que la mediocridad paga al genio, y cuando el envidioso se da cuenta de que no puede competir contigo, deja de competir, de intentar superarte, y empieza a intentar manchar tu imagen. La mayoría de las personas no entienden lo que es la envidia, piensan que es resentimiento; no es tal cosa.

El resentimiento dice: no me gusta lo que tú tienes; la envidia dice: no puedo soportar lo que tu existencia dice de mí. Esa es una herida más profunda, una humillación más privada, porque la envidia no es detonada por tus logros solamente, es detonada por tu postura, por tu dedicación, por tu orden, por tu negativa a traicionarte a ti mismo buscando la aprobación de otros. Es eso lo que hace sentir mal al envidioso, no los aplausos que recibes, tus títulos, tu éxito evidente; sino la estructura sobre la que todo eso descansa.

Carl Jung llegó a comprender que la mayoría de las personas pasan sus vidas evitando. Los seres humanos no se sienten perturbados por lo que perciben en el exterior, sino por lo que eso les despierta dentro de sí mismos. Jung llamó a esto la sombra, el yo rechazado, el yo negado, el yo no vivido. Todo lo que una persona pudo haber desarrollado, pero evitó hacerlo. Todo aquello en lo que deseaba convertirse, pero optó por no intentar; todo aquello de lo que era capaz, pero sepultó bajo la comodidad, el temor, la conformidad o la cobardía. Y cuando alguien más empieza a personificar esa posibilidad soterrada, la sombra se inquieta. Es entonces cuando la envidia se convierte en algo psicológicamente peligroso, porque la persona que la siente no percibe con claridad a quien envidia; la percibe de manera simbólica. No es solamente una persona, sino un recordatorio; un recordatorio de su vacilación, su compromiso, sus años desperdiciados, sus potencialidades no desarrolladas. Luego, es necesario comprender esto claramente, no odian a quienes envidian, en realidad no, odian la versión de sí mismos que ven reflejada en la otra persona, que es simplemente la pantalla en la que ellas proyectan su vida no vivida.

Es por eso que sus reacciones parecen irracionales, porque lo son. En lugar de decir, “me avergüenzo por haberme traicionado al optar por no desarrollar mi potencial”, dicen, “piensas que eres superior a todos”. En lugar de decir, “tu valor evidencia mi pasividad”, empiezan a adjudicarte defectos. Eso es proyección, eso es el discurso de sombra. Y eso por ello que el proceso al que Jung llamó individuación perturba a la multitud inconsciente; porque la mente despierta no predica, demuestra.

Así, cuando las personas envidiosas se dan cuenta de que no pueden competir contigo, no pueden eclipsarte, no pueden superarte en nada, se adaptan y sus métodos se vuelven más tenebrosos.

Silencio selectivo

La primera jugada rara vez es agresión; la primera jugada es ausencia, silencio selectivo.

Ellos observan cuidadosamente, cuando tú enfrentas dificultades, ellos están presentes; cuando dudas de ti mismo, ellos muestran calidez; cuando sientes incertidumbre, ellos están disponibles. Pero cuando ganas, cuando tu victoria es evidente, ellos desaparecen. No hay felicitaciones, reconocimiento ni energía.

A primera vista parece algo sin mucha importancia, casi inofensivo. Pero el silencio es información, especialmente cuando es selectivo. Porque las personas genuinas sienten alegría cuando sus esfuerzos son recompensados, podrían no ser capaces de entender tu proceder, pero pueden reconocer la sinceridad.

Las personas envidiosas no pueden

Tu éxito ejerce presión sobre la imagen que ellas tienen de sí mismas. Por ello, en lugar de celebrar tus logros, se retiran emocionalmente, para protegerse. Esto no es neutralidad, es una negativa encubierta. La intención es que su silencio disminuya tu disfrute, que sientas su ausencia y empieces a devaluarte a ti mismo.

No lo hagas. Su silencio no es un veredicto, es evidencia; evidencia de que tu crecimiento ha entrado en un territorio en el que la comparación empieza a manifestarse. Si el silencio no cumple su función, ponen en práctica la reducción. Este es el efecto atenuador. Es un ritual pasivo agresivo ideado para hacer que tu avance parezca accidental, no un resultado merecido, no producto de la disciplina, nada excepcional.

Escucharás frases de este tipo: “sincronía perfecta, tuviste suerte; debe ser agradable, veremos si resiste el paso del tiempo”.

Superficialmente, estos parecen comentarios de poca importancia, pero psicológicamente, no son comentarios; son intentos por corregir. La mente envidiosa no puede permitir que tus logos continúen siendo evidencia de mérito, por ello, redefine tu logro como producto del azar, porque ese fruto es resultado de esfuerzo; mientras que su carencia de éxito es consecuencia de haber elegido no hacer nada. Eso les resulta intolerable.

Así, ellos niegan tu disciplina, suprimen el tiempo que te tomó esforzarte, se burlan de tu apasionamiento; hacen que los patrones que tú has establecido para ti mismo parezcan trivialidad. Lo que ellos llaman suerte, la mayor parte del tiempo es preparación, que ha sido percibida demasiado tarde; lo que ellos llaman obsesión, frecuentemente es concentración, que ellos nunca desarrollaron; y lo que ellos califican como poco profundo, frecuentemente es algo que requiere una capacidad de la que ellos carecen.

Ahora la envidia se convierte en estrategia, porque cuando se percatan de que no pueden superarte en una confrontación uno a uno, buscan hacerse acompañar por otros individuos. Esto es reclutamiento de sombra, no te atacan directamente, porque eso sería demasiado revelador. En lugar de ello, hacen propagar la idea de que sienten preocupación, preocupación sutil, preocupación fingida, preocupación como arma.

“No sé, ha cambiado, espero que el éxito no se le haya subido a la cabeza; no es mi intención perjudicarlo, es preocupación lo que siento”.

No, esto no es preocupación, es siembra de narrativa, una estrategia sutil. La intención no es destruirte de manera fulminante; la intención es generar confusión, hacer que otros titubeen, hacer que tu presencia resulte indeseable, que otros duden de tus intenciones antes de que si quiera empieces a hablar. Debido a que las personas inseguras comprenden lo que sucede de manera instintiva, si no pueden conseguir que tu valor se vea disminuido, intentarán disminuir la confianza que despiertas en otras personas. Para ello reclutan a individuos mentalmente débiles; no con hechos, sino con entonación; no con evidencia, sino con implicación.

Esta es una de las armas más antiguas de la historia, la intención no es acusar, sino contaminar.

Cuando no pueden deformar la realidad, empiezan a atacar tu reputación. Eso es reclutamiento de sombra, que resulta especialmente insidioso, porque disfraza el desprecio como compasión, la farsa de la empatía.

Cuando la gente envidiosa ya no puede negar tu éxito, empieza a lamentarlo. De pronto se convierten en filósofos.

“Sí, ¿pero es feliz realmente? Parece una existencia solitaria, se ha vuelto demasiado intenso, demasiado serio; yo no querría vivir así”.

Observemos la jugada

No pueden despojarte de tu éxito, entonces intentan hacer que tu éxito parezca algo muy desafortunado, trágico. ¿Por qué? Porque la compasión es un anestésico psicológico.

 

Si consiguen convencerse a sí mismos de que tu crecimiento te obligó a pagar un precio demasiado alto, tu humanidad, sienten que ya no son menos que tú. Ahora se sienten en equilibrio, normales, sanos. Pero es así como la mediocridad se protege a sí misma, no atacando a aquello que representa grandeza, sino asociando esos logros con pérdida emocional.

En ocasiones la senda de la individuación es de soledad, pero la soledad no siempre es una herida que duele; en ocasiones, es filtración.

La última jugada es la más reveladora, Distorsión de Carácter

Cuando la gente envidiosa acepta que no puede eclipsar tu desempeño, no puede minimizar tus victorias, no puede aislarte en la medida en que ellas quisieran, su objetivo es atacar la identidad. Reescriben tu historia. De pronto tu confianza se ha convertido en narcisismo, tus límites se convierten en crueldad, tu determinación se convierte en obsesión; tu privacidad se convierte en manipulación, tu ambición se convierte en codicia, tu calma se convierte en conspiración.

Esto no es desacuerdo, esto es una guerra de narrativa, la cual depende siempre de invertir los valores. Necesitan que tú te conviertas en el individuo indeseable, pues si continúas proyectando la imagen de una persona competente, decente, su amargura no puede ser ocultada. Así fabrican una versión de lo que tú eres que justifica su hostilidad; una versión más fría, más áspera, una versión más susceptible de provocar resentimiento.

No te sientas agobiado por eso. Quienes no pueden alcanzar tu nivel, frecuentemente intentan dañar tu imagen. Requiere menos esfuerzo que la superación y requiere de menos tiempo que confrontarse a sí mismos.

Aquí aparece la parte medular, la que la mayoría de las personas jamás llegan a dominar.

El instinto del yo herido es explicar, defender la intención, corregir lo que se ha registrado, obligar a las personas a que entiendan. Pero Maquiavelo te diría algo más distante emocionalmente.

Nunca busques la claridad en espacios dominados por la distorsión.

¿Por qué?

Porque la reacción concede legitimidad, la explicación invita a la negociación.

Defenderse implica vulnerabilidad, y la gente envidiosa aprovecha la oportunidad para aproximarse. Buscan tus palabras, tus emociones, tu energía, tu participación.

¡No se las des!

La ley más elevada es la indiferencia estratégica; no es pasividad, no es debilidad; es precisión. No respondes a todas las falsedades, no tomas en cuenta todos los rumores; así te vuelves inalcanzable, no físicamente, sino psicológicamente.

Dejas de buscar la justicia, de probar tu inocencia; no intentas más manifestar tu profundidad de pensamiento ante gente que se ha comprometido con la superficialidad.

Eso es soberanía

En el momento en que tu paz interior se vuelve más valiosa que tu necesidad de ser entendido, tus principios se hacen inmunes a la confusión pública.

El verdadero poder no consiste en controlar lo que otros dicen, el verdadero poder ya no necesita participar en lo que se dice; eso es dominio, es negarse a entregar tu sistema nervioso.

Entonces, esta es la interrogante

¿Estás dispuesto a permitir que ellos se equivoquen en lo que a ti respecta para conservar tu integridad? Si eres uno de los estrategas silenciosos, si entiendes que el verdadero poder es la calma, disciplinada e inalcanzable… continúa tu camino, sigue avanzando sin dar explicaciones.

 

What Jealous People Do When They Can’t Compete with You – Carl Jung (from YouTube)

 

There is something more disturbing than failure, it is seeing someone become what you refused to become.

That is the mirror effect

Your success is not what offends jealous people, your existence is, because when you rise you become evidence. Evidence that discipline was possible, that courage was available, that excuses were a choice. At the moment your life becomes proof, their comfort begins to collapse, because your presence is no longer neutral. It becomes a confession they never wanted to make.

Jealousy is the tribute that mediocrity pays to genius, and when they realize they cannot compete with you, they stop trying to surpass you, and start trying to stain you. Most people misunderstand jealousy. They think it is simple resentment. It is not.

Resentment says, “I do not like what you have”. Jealousy says, “I cannot bear what your existence says about me”. That is a deeper wound, a more private humiliation, because jealousy is not triggered by your reward alone. It is triggered by your alignment, your focus, your order, your refusal to betray yourself for approval. That is what unsettles them, not your applause, not your title, not your visible success, but the structure beneath it.

Carl Jung understood something most people spend their lives avoiding. Human beings are not most disturbed by what they see outside themselves; they are disturbed by what awakens inside themselves. Jung called this the shadow, the rejected self, the denied self, the unlived self. Everything a person could have developed, but did not. Everything they wanted to become, but abandoned. Everything they were capable of, but buried beneath comfort, fear, conformity or cowardice. And when someone else begins to embody that buried possibility, the shadow stirs. This is where jealousy becomes psychologically dangerous, because the jealous person does not experience you clearly. They experience you symbolically. You are not just a person to them. You are a reminder, a reminder of your hesitation, their compromise, their wasted years, their unrealized power. So understand this clearly, they do not hate you, not really. They hate the version of themselves they see in your reflection. You are simply the screen onto which they project their unlived life.

This is why their reactions feel irrational, because they are. Instead of saying, I am ashamed that I betrayed my own potential, they say, you think you are better than everyone. Instead of saying, your courage reveals my passivity, they begin inventing defects in you. That is projection, that is the shadow speaking. And this is why the process Jung called individuation disturbs the unconscious crowd. Because the awakened mind does not preach, it proves.

So when jealous people realize they cannot outwork you, cannot outshine you, cannot outgrow you, they adapt, and their methods become darker.

I.                Selective Silence

The first move is rarely aggression, it is absence, selective silence.

Watch carefully, when you struggle, they are present. When you doubt yourself, they are warm. When you are uncertain, they are available. But when you win, truly win, they disappear. No congratulations, no acknowledgement, no energy.

At first it looks small, almost harmless. But silence is information, especially when it is selective. Because genuine people feel joy when they see effort rewarded, they may not fully understand your path, but they can recognize sincerity.

Jealous people cannot.

Your success applies pressure to their self-image. So instead of celebrating you, they emotionally withdraw to protect themselves. This is not neutrality; it is covert refusal. They hope their silence will shrink your moment. They hope you will feel their absence and begin to dim yourself.

Do not. Their silence is not a verdict. It is evidence. Evidence that your growth has entered territory where comparison begins. If silence fails, they move to reduction. This is the dimming effect. A passive aggressive ritual designed to make your breakthrough feel accidental, not earned, not disciplined, not exceptional.

You will hear it in small phrases: Perfect timing, you just got lucky.  Must be nice. Let’s see if it lasts.

On the surface these are minor comments, but psychologically, they are not comments. They are correction attempts. The jealous mind cannot allow your success to remain evidence of merit. So it reframes your achievement as chance, because if your achievement was built, then their lack of achievement was chosen. And that is intolerable.

So they subtract your discipline, they erase your years; they mock your intensity. They trivialize your standards. What they call luck is often preparation, observed too late. What they call obsession is often focus. They never developed. And what they call not that deep is often a depth they are too shallow to enter.

Now the jealousy becomes strategic, because once they realize they cannot outdo you one on one, they seek numbers. This is shadow recruitment; they do not attack you directly. That would reveal too much. Instead, they circulate concern, subtle concern, performative concern, weaponized concern.

I don’t know, they’ve changed. I just hope success isn’t getting to their head. I’m not saying anything bad. I’m just worried.

No, this is not concern. It is narrative seeding, a soft campaign. The goal is not to destroy you instantly; the goal is to create fog around you, to make others hesitate, to make your presence feel heavy; to make people question your intention before you even speak. Because insecure people understand something instinctively. If they cannot lower your value, the will try to lower your social trust. And they recruit weaker minds, not with facts, but with tone, not with evidence, with implication.

This is one of the oldest social weapons in history. Not accusation, contamination.

When they cannot beat your reality, they begin editing your reputation. That is shadow recruitment. This one is especially insidious, because it disguises contempt as compassion, the performance of pity.

When jealous people can no longer deny your success, they begin mourning it. Suddenly, they become philosophers.

Yes, but are they really happy? That life seems lonely. They’ve become too intense. They are too serious now. I wouldn’t want that kind of life.

Notice the move.

They cannot make you unsuccessful, so they try to make your success look miserable. Why? Because pity is a psychological anesthetic.

If they can convince themselves that your growth cost you your humanity, then they are no longer behind.

They are balanced, they are normal, they are healthy. But this is how mediocrity protects itself. Not by attacking greatness directly, but by associating greatness with emotional loss.

Sometimes the path of individuation is lonely, but loneliness is not always a wound. Sometimes it is filtration.

The final move is the most revealing. Character distortion.

When jealous people accept that they cannot outshine your work, cannot reduce your wins, cannot isolate you enough socially, they go after identity. They rewrite your story. Suddenly your confidence becomes narcissism, your boundaries become cruelty, your focus becomes obsession. Your privacy becomes manipulation, your ambition becomes greed, your calm becomes calculation.

This is not disagreement; this is narrative warfare. And narrative warfare always depends on moral inversion. They need you to become the villain, because if you remain competent and decent, their bitterness has nowhere to hide. So they build a version of you that justifies their hostility, a colder version, a harsher version, an easier version to resent.

Do not be shocked by this. People who cannot reach your level will often attempt to lower your image. It is cheaper than growth, and faster than self-confrontation.

Now comes the pivot, the part most people never master.

The instinct of the wounded ego is to explain, to defend the intention, to correct the record, to force people to understand. But Machiavelli would tell you something colder.

Never fight for clarity in rooms immersed in distortion.

Why?

Because reaction grants legitimacy.

Explanation invites negotiation.

Defense implies vulnerability, and jealous people feed on access. They want your words, your emotion, your energy, your participation.

Do not give it!

The higher law is strategic indifference; not passivity, not weakness, precision. You do not respond to every lie. You do not chase every rumor. You become unreachable, not physically, psychologically.

You stop auditioning for fairness, you stop performing innocence; you stop explaining your depth to people committed to surface.

This is sovereignty.

The moment your peace becomes more valuable than being understood, the moment your standards become immune to public confusion.

Real power is not controlling what they say. Real power is no longer needing to participate in what they say. That is dominance. It is refusing to surrender your nervous system to it.

So here is the question.

Are you willing to let them be wrong about you to keep your piece? If you are one of the silent strategists, if you understand that true power is calm, disciplined and unreachable, comment sovereign below, and walk forward without explanation.

Decir adiós a un enemigo, y cultivar una rosa blanca

 

¿Por qué me has buscado? No sé por qué formulo la interrogante, pues sé bien la respuesta. Tu vida se acaba, eso te aterra e intentas negociar conmigo. No te recibiré y no cruzaré una palabra contigo. Sé que quisieras decirme que si mueres yo me voy contigo.

En primer lugar, yo no creo eso. En segundo, si tal fuera el caso, no me importaría. Estoy cansado de vivir y llegar al final me libra de la molestia de poner fin a mi existencia. De hecho, no hice tal cosa porque no tuve el valor, he sido un cobarde.

Recuerdo que una vez, cuando tú y yo éramos jóvenes, llegando a la década de los 30s, expresaste el cliché idiota y agresivo, que quitarse la vida “es una cobardía”. Además de unirte a la legión de imbéciles que expresan semejante idea, te agredes a ti mismo, pues de los acontecimientos que se han dado a lo largo de los últimos años, independientemente de lo que haya sucedido antes, ha dejado claro a todas las personas que se enteraron —en particular fu familia, tu esposa y tus hijos— que careces del menor vestigio de valor y por ello se avergüenzan de ti y no se esfuerzan mucho en disimular el desprecio que sienten. En otras palabras, tú no estás para tachar a nadie de cobarde.

Casi valdría la pena escuchar tus argumentos en lo referente a lo que hiciste cuando las tuviste todas contigo, intentando negarlo o justificarte. Me ofendiste, intentaste denigrarme, vejarme, humillarme. Al hacerlo, proferiste las palabras increíbles “somos amigos”, y al pronunciar semejante aberración, encarnaste a mi padre. Con el paso del tiempo, pude descubrir un gran parecido entre ese mal individuo y tú, sobre todo en lo referente a un narcisismo muy patológico, un carácter sádico, una furia homicida expresada a mansalva —lo cual implica una cobardía descomunal— y una destructividad a la que, a quien la esgrime no le es posible escapar. Cuando te eché en cara que me estabas agrediendo verbalmente, lo negaste, profiriendo además “son tus complejos de inferioridad”. Eso se llama añadir insulto a la injuria, algo que yo no perdono.

Tu violencia verbal, tus ofensas y tu afán por denigrarme me motivaron a irme, a renunciar al primer empleo de toda mi vida, en el que me había desempeñado de manera sobresaliente, lo cual despertó en ti un odio de tal magnitud que te motivó a intentar aniquilarme; no satisfice tu expectativa, ser intelectualmente infinitamente inferior a ti, o tal vez debería decir, que intelectualmente tú eras infinitamente superior a mí.

Mi vida rodó por un precipicio, sobreviví a la caída, pero mi libido quedó dañada para siempre. En los años que siguieron, intenté sobreponerme, realicé esfuerzos titánicos para intentar salvarme a mí mismo, mas todo fue inútil. Un día, en mis tempranos 40s, cuando murió una persona muy cercana a mí, cobré conciencia de que había vuelto a perder la voluntad de vivir.

Seguí por mi senda como un autómata, procurando no sentir dolor, o que cuando este fuera demasiado intenso, me resultara indiferente. Muchas veces tomé un objeto punzocortante, lo acerqué a uno de mis brazos, presioné hacia abajo y provoqué una hemorragia que no provocó una pérdida de sangre de la magnitud deseada, suficiente para poner fin a mi problemática. Fui un cobarde.

Mas esa cobardía no me define. Durante mi infancia, sin tener conciencia de ello, comencé a esforzarme para superar los síntomas físicos provocados por los síndromes que padecía, que no eran otra cosa que la manifestación de un funcionamiento inadecuado de mi encéfalo. Tampoco era físicamente fuerte, y esa fue otra deficiencia que acometí. Pasó el tiempo, dejé de ser un niño, pasé por la adolescencia y llegué a la temprana juventud. Durante esas etapas, mis enormes deficiencias me motivaron a decidir superarlas. Me hice del valor y de la determinación para realizar esfuerzos muy prolongados, en circunstancias difíciles por la violencia que dominaba mi entorno, el infierno que que era mi vida en familia, y crecí, me realicé en cierta medida. Aprendí a amarme y a respetarme, a enorgullecerme de mis logros y de mis modestas victorias.

En cambio tú, en mejores circunstancias que las mías, habiendo llegado al mundo sin alteraciones neurológicas, te esforzaste en aquello que te resultó fácil, en las áreas del intelecto para las que estabas bien dotado. Mas aquello que involucraba algún tipo de dificultad, independientemente de su magnitud, optaste por considerarlo poco importante, racionalizando tu cobardía y desarrollando un narcisismo descomunal. He de reconocer tu enorme estatura como un megalómano.

Muchas veces sentí el deseo de buscarte y derramar tu sangre, de golpearte con todas mis fuerzas y acabar matándote. ¿Qué me detuvo? Una inclinación natural a amar la vida y por ende, respetarla; también la firme determinación de evitar arruinar la mía.

¿Vamos a morir? Sé que no tienes la respuesta en lo que a mí respecta, pero sí la certidumbre de que tienes un pie en la tumba.

Quisiera decirte que no puedo hacer nada por ti, mas no hago tal cosa porque sospecho que eso no es cierto. Al cabo de unos días, los síntomas de la enfermedad que carcome tus entrañas se habrán agravado lo suficiente para indicar si el final está cerca. Yo no estaré cerca de ti para observar tu inmolación, no tanto porque ver tu destrucción resulte doloroso, sino porque tu persona me resulta en extremo desagradable, de hecho, repulsiva.

No supliques, no te pongas de rodillas, no te denigres, no te vejes ni te humilles a ti mismo; no podrás conmoverme. Y eso no se debe a que yo sea implacable o despiadado, sino a que reservo mi empatía y mis buenos sentimientos para quienes los merecen, no para infames que teniéndolas todas consigo, violentan a otros para exorcizar sus demonios. Como decía antes, el problema es tu megalomanía.

Hablé con tu terapeuta, el galeno que se autodenomina “doctor”. Me divertí al señalarle su narcisismo a ese respecto, pues en este país, una especialidad en medicina no es un doctorado. Un Narciso no puede ayudar a otro. Lastimé al ególatra, sin pegarle con los puños, haciendo uso de mi discurso y mis capacidades intelectuales.

El mediquito argumentó, a modo de respuesta, que yo también soy narcisista. Me tomó por sorpresa y le pedí unos minutos para reflexionar. No fue difícil darle la razón. Tengo una buena opinión de mí, me valoro, me aprecio y me he colocado en un pedestal de un tamaño modesto, acorde con el de mis éxitos.

Y es que, como decía antes, he sido cobarde en lo que respecta a no poner fin a mi vida, mas no en lo referente a intentar mejorar mis capacidades físicas, a la par de adquirir una formación académica en campos que parecían inaccesibles, lo que se complicó aún más porque vivía y cohabitaba con un grave trastorno mental sin conocer siquiera su existencia.

De ello, concluyo que sí soy narcisista, mas en mi caso, ese rasgo no parece patológico.

¿Orgulloso de ti mismo, hombrecito?

Sí.

Si no vuelves a saber de mí, dale mis saludos al Príncipe de las Tinieblas. Sé bien que ese destino también podría ser el mío, pero tengo la seguridad de que no llegaré contigo. Te vencí en una pelea a muerte a la que tú me arrastraste, teniéndolas todas contigo, sin que yo tuviera conciencia de ello.

Has perdido. Ser mejor que tú hace posible que evite escupir en tu tumba.

Cultivaré una rosa blanca para ti, tal vez así recupere mi corazón.

Adiós

 

Two terrible foes, antagonists; something anal ruled their behaviors. Part two

 

I saw Flavio —the criminal psychiatrist— for the last time in September 2006. I didn’t meet him in his particular office, but in the public health institution where he worked. He knew the story of my life, violence perpetrated against me by my father —a malignant narcissistic, a psychopath. From the beginning (being a toddler) I was forced to face alone very serious difficulties, without any help from anyone, having born without vision in my left eye, neuro-divergent, suffering from ADHD never diagnosed, my mother’s inattention, etc.

Flavio must have identified the very bad pathology I suffered, Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). He must have talked with my parents, giving them material from DMS III or DMS IV, so they could understand how bad this disorder is, the risk, danger it involves. Suicide rate is very high, as substance abuse is (addiction to legal drugs like alcohol and tobacco, and to illegal drugs), etc. Flavio knew that I had faced very severe adversity which had dominated my life since I was a toddler. During my teenage years, and during my youth I had taught myself mathematics, physics, other engineering subjects; and a foreign language, English.

At the time, September 2006, I was 42 years old. My kid sister had died the last day of April, leaving three orphan children, a boy becoming a teenager and two little girls. Flavio told me that my situation was fair; nothing else should be expected. I had told him that I had tried to reenter the electronics maquiladora, as an unskilled worker. Working there, I would inform my employers that I had studied an engineering major (although I wasn’t able to finish it), but my academic background was very good and I was proficient in a foreign tongue, English; I could read, speak, write and translate from English into Spanish.

I worked in that corporation (electronics maquiladora), Solectron (which became Flextronics, then Flex) from December 2003 to July 2004. I made a very big mistake. I accepted translating working procedures from a client company, which would be paid as basic worker overwork between March and April 2004 (when I turned 40 years of age), an offer I should have rejected. I told Flavio that I didn’t have the good fortune to meet someone disposed to help me to obtain a better position than basic worker (which was a nightmare). Flavio, the Evil Shrink, interrupted me and told me:

“Good fortune, luck? Popular wisdom says that man is the architect of his destiny”

This physician’s perversity was astounding. It makes sense to suppose that it would have been very pleasurable for him if I took my life, or at least, ruined myself through alcohol or illegal drugs addiction.

A few months before (maybe on June or July 2006) I had asked this evil physician to see me during a very dangerous crisis. His office was inside his sister’s house, in street named Isabel la Católica. I told him about the psychic suffering I felt and I told him: “I would like to kill myself”. Risk was not small matter. I had done great efforts and everything had been useless. Had been this way all my life. Flavio took my father’s telephone number (he lived in a neighboring state) about 190 miles away. He would tell my father about this crisis.

This psychiatrist knew the story of my life, he had seen me for eleven years. He back stabbed me during a terrible time of my life. My kid sister’s death had been a brutal blow, it made me realize that I didn’t want to live, and it had been this way for a very long time.

Why did David’s condition, anal itching, reminded me of Flavio Evil Shrink? Because when that physician committed that vile act, being in his office in that public health institution, he seemed to be avoiding sitting on his anus; I guess he suffered from hemorrhoids.

I would like to think that it is about time to leave those individuals, David and Flavio, in the past. Both are cases of extreme weakness, not only physically (anatomy), but mentally too; also, crippled in spirit.

The aim is not to forget what happened, for man without memory is nothing. Because of this, Alzheimer, or senile dementia, are terrifying. The aim is to assimilate all this as part of the story of my life, and the fact that I have been able to face an adversity to which many men would not have survived.

Because suffering has dominated my life, I have become vengeful. I’d like to change that. I know well that vengeance is opposite to ethics and my intention (and is a natural tendency of mine) is to do what is right. Erich Fromm (my great professor) says that such trait, search of vengeance, is part of the unproductive personality.

Comes to my mind a very important idea concerning those terrible behaviors of those two foes, enemies: violence is not strength, but the opposite; violence is weakness.

End of the story

Two terrible foes, antagonists; something anal ruled their behaviors. Part one

 

During the second half of the year 1997, an individual who had been my classmate in college —his name was David— got a management position in an electronics maquiladora, which was coming from the North (USA). It was called by a few stupid individuals “Silicon Valley of M”. Such name was inadequate, preposterous, pathetic.

In the place where the real Silicon Valley stands, very advanced digital electronics are developed. Silicon is a semiconductor metal, used to make very small (microscopic) wafers which are converted into the core part of all kind of integrated circuits, some of them of huge complexity, like microprocessors and the like.  

Maquiladora exists because it was conceived with the intention of elevating profit to its ultimate expression, paying workers miserable wages, working as many hours as possible; no taxes nor profit sharing are paid, workers are subjected to very bad working conditions and all kind of abuse.  

That antagonists, David, gave me at that time, during the second half of the year 1997, material on “quality control” for me to study; he would hire me as quality auditor. Among these material there were videocassettes (not used at present anymore), VHS format. I conceived the idea of copying that material; to do that I would need a second videocassette recorder and videocassettes in blank. David lend me his videocassette recorder, which I took home. He gave me too a videocassette in which a physician had recorded a clinical analysis to which this antagonist, foe —David— had undergo. I considered this individual my friend, a huge mistake. That clinical analysis was about something he suffered: anal itching.

I copied that material on quality control, which would not be useful because my “friend” hired me for a different position, safety and health technician; but that is another subject.

I have read on psychoanalysis, a subject which has fascinated me, but I have not paid much attention to Freud’s theory on stages of psychosexual development: oral, anal, phallic and genital. I remember only the most basic information on the subject, in part because I have read Erich Fromm almost exclusively, a great humanist, genius. I admire him.  

David should have been christened Goliath, but his physical weakness was extreme, a terrible shortcoming which made of him a kind of mutant, monster.

Being my boss he harassed me. He couldn’t accept the fact that I was not a fool and during the last week of January 1998, he insulted me, tried to humiliate me, manifesting a really bad narcissistic pathology. Being one of the individuals who hurt me more in the very difficult story of my life (plagued by violence), he has become one of those crippled in spirit whose violence pop un in my mind every single day, because what he did to me could have cost me my life.

Suddenly I remembered what is above mentioned, an anal condition, and that brought to my mind another of my worst foes, antagonists, enemies; a psychiatrist who at the time treated me in his office, his name was Flavio.

I have mentioned in other spaces (blogs) that this physician, psychiatrist, is a criminal. An individual dominated by resentment, who hates life because he was raised in a racist environment and his looks are not those of a (Mexican) mestizo, but those of a native; a native of very poor characteristics, not due to his ethnic origin; such individuals exist in all cultures all over the world, be its origin European, Asian (Mongolic race), Polynesian, native from America, Oceania, Africa, whatever. In contrast, there are individuals with extraordinary characteristics in all those cultures; no exception.

I must emphasize that this physician’s —psychiatrist— precariousness has nothing to do with his ethnic (racial) origin, native. He shares with David an extreme physical precariousness, which would be nobody’s fault. Life, nature, is like that.

David lacked muscle mass. It was so scarce that it couldn’t be visually perceived; his adipose tissue proportion was very high, being very slim. People who suffer from this very bad condition are called “fat-slim persons”. Once I saw David wearing shorts and a sleeveless shirt (he had taken a nap in the afternoon, he was 21 years old), he opened the door of his house. I saw him and was thunderstruck, I didn’t know who he was, a septuagenarian suffering from a very severe malnutrition (he had the looks of an individual 3.5 times his chronological age). He said something, I recognized his voice. This impression became a memory, a very bad one.  

Eleven years after that, on September 1997 (a couple of months before he hired me), David and I met in his house during a weekday, in the afternoon. He was 32, had come from his workplace an hour before that, where he should wear shirt and tie. He had taken off those garments and was wearing a sleeveless shirt, an underwear garment. His arms were extremely thin and flabby, under his armpits, adipose tissue accumulated.

He suffered a lot because of this, being some kind of mutant, monster. He hated me because life —nature— had given me a fine constitution, genetics. I had the looks of a high performance sportsman (which I was not, and never was). His only motivation to hire me for the first job of my life (being 33 years old) was to prove that intellectually he was far greater than me. He would want to be the size of Mount Everest; he would want me to be the size of a subatomic particle.

The rest is history

Anal stage, second of five stages of Sigmund Freud’s psychosexual development

 

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Psychoanalysis

The anal stage is the second stage in Sigmund Freud's theory of psychosexual development, taking place approximately between the ages of 18 months and three years. In this stage, the anal erogenous zone becomes the primary focus of the child's libidinal energy. The main social context for the experience is the process of toilet training, where anal pleasure becomes associated with the control of bowel movements. The anal stage is the second of the five Freudian psychosexual development stages: the oral, the anal, the phallic, the latent, and the genital.

According to Freud's theory, personality is developed through a series of stages, focused on erogenous areas, throughout childhood. A healthy personality in adulthood is dependent upon all of these childhood stages being resolved successfully. If issues are not resolved in a stage, then fixation can occur, potentially resulting in neurotic tendencies or psychological disturbance. A fixation at this stage can result in a personality that is too rigid or one that is too disordered.

General information

The anal stage, in Freudian psychology, is the period of human development occurring at about one to three years of age. Around this age, the child begins to toilet train, which brings about the child's fascination in the erogenous zone of the anus. The erogenous zone is focused on the bowel and bladder control. Therefore, Freud believed that the libido was mainly focused on controlling the bladder and bowel movements. The anal stage coincides with the start of the child's ability to control their anal sphincter, and therefore their ability to pass or withhold feces at will. If the children during this stage can overcome the conflict it will result in a sense of accomplishment and independence.

Conflict

This is the second stage of Freud's psychosexual stages. This stage represents a conflict with the id, ego, and superego. The child is approached with this conflict with the parent's demands. A successful completion of this stage depends on how the parents interact with the child while toilet training. If a parent praises the child and gives rewards for using the toilet properly and at the right times then the child will successfully go through the stage. However, if a parent ridicules and punishes a child while they are at this stage, the child can respond in negative ways.

Parent’s role

As mentioned before, the ability for the children to be successful in this stage is solely dependent upon their parents and the approach they use towards toilet training. Freud believed that parents should promote the use of toilet training with praise and rewards. The use of positive reinforcement after using the toilet at the appropriate times encourages positive outcomes. This will help reinforce the feeling that the child is capable of controlling their bladder. The parents help make the outcome of this stage a positive experience which in turn will lead to a competent, productive, and creative adult. This stage is also important in the child's future relationships with authority.

According to Freud's Psychosexual Theory, parents need to be very careful in how they react to their children during this sensitive stage. During this stage, children test their parents, the authority figures, on how much power they really have as opposed to how much room the child has to make his or her own decisions.

Anal-retentive personality

Overly passive parent-child interactions in the anal stage lead to the development of an anal-expulsive personality. Because the child's parents were inconsistent or neglectful in teaching the child to control their own bowel movements, the child may relieve themselves at inappropriate times and soil their pants in rebellion against using the toilet. As adults, they will want to share things with their peers and give things away. They can sometimes be messy, disorganized, and rebellious. They may also be inconsiderate of others' feelings.

Assimilating violence as (a very important) part of the story of my life, I am about to heal

 

My mind is still poisoned with memories of human wrecks like megalomaniac David and my father, along with many other despicable scoundrels, many of them effeminate males, sissies.

I have been avoiding YouTube, although I have used it for short lapses of time. It is full of trash. Yesterday, 30 June, Tuesday, I walked with my pet, Clara (a female dog, a bitch); I encountered a lot of horrible people, wearing the green sports t-shirt of Mexico’s soccer team. Social decomposition is massive, huge, ubiquitous.

Why have I eaten and slept so much? Due to excessive physical efforts, my metabolism is extremely fast. I have thought about the possibility that besides that, it could be a psychosomatic symptom. If this were the case, it could be fixed by controlling that very troubling symptom; overthinking, obsession, memories of violence perpetrated by people (mostly “males”) who chose to become despicable, emasculated mice.

Last Monday I put a piece of bread with rice and small pink pellets (poison) as a bait for a mouse which entered the house. It will die soon, like antagonists who have hurt me badly, for no reason.

My mind has been caught by hundreds of memories, violence perpetrated by my father (who died 18 years ago), evil human wreck. David was an abnormal individual, some kind of mutant; extremely weak both physically and mentally.

Images of my father and his cronies (relatives) are submerged under urine, and have spent many hours under the sun’s ultraviolet rays.

I don’t know for sure if David is dead, nor should I care. Flavio Evil Shrink (psychiatrist) must be ruined; he could be dead. His anus was rotting, just like David’s.

How can I overcome this Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? How can I heal?

I can assimilate (very severe) violence as part of the story of my life. Why did those antagonists hurt me so much? Because they were weak, cowards, vitally powerless.

I am the kind of person who awakens jealously and envy in other people. How can this be explained?

I was never a good student, but somehow, I was perceived as intelligent; “a brilliant underachiever”. Being a teenager (16 years old) I began becoming a sportsman. I had the looks of a high performance athlete, which I was not. I never won an important race, nor as a pedestrian runner or a cyclist (road race bicycling).

I must write about these phenomena. Once finished, I must read it aloud, record my speech and listen to it carefully, many times.

I have done very well. In spite of having lived suffering from a very bad mental pathology —Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD— I have been able to avoid becoming an addict to alcohol, tobacco or illegal drugs.

As I mentioned above, being a teenager I began becoming a sportsman. I was interested in a healthy stile of life, like proper nutrition habits. Because of that, being 62 years old, I am slim, physically fit and reasonably strong. So many men younger and much younger than me are overweight, fat; suffer from heart disease, diabetes, and possibly will suffer from cancer.

I taught myself mathematics and engineering subjects, as well as a foreign language, English. I became an English-Spanish translator, teaching myself. I have spent my life reading.

I am not a coward; I have never been such. Because of that (among other reasons), many weak individuals (emasculated mice) have hated me. I have spent years remembering violence perpetrated by those despicable foes; obsession has made of me a kind of invalid. But today, I can overcome all that, the very bad pathology which has hurt me so much (Borderline Personality Disorder) which origin was psychological torture perpetrated by my father.

I can heal

Many people would consider me a failure, even a human wreck, a pariah. I am not such, and I should not care about that, one bit.

Life is going to give me what antagonists intended to steal from me. I don’t believe in God. I am an atheist. But I believe there is an order in Universe.

Justice is coming, I know that for sure.