Assimilating violence as (a very important) part of the story of my life, I am about to heal

 

My mind is still poisoned with memories of human wrecks like megalomaniac David and my father, along with many other despicable scoundrels, many of them effeminate males, sissies.

I have been avoiding YouTube, although I have used it for short lapses of time. It is full of trash. Yesterday, 30 June, Tuesday, I walked with my pet, Clara (a female dog, a bitch); I encountered a lot of horrible people, wearing the green sports t-shirt of Mexico’s soccer team. Social decomposition is massive, huge, ubiquitous.

Why have I eaten and slept so much? Due to excessive physical efforts, my metabolism is extremely fast. I have thought about the possibility that besides that, it could be a psychosomatic symptom. If this were the case, it could be fixed by controlling that very troubling symptom; overthinking, obsession, memories of violence perpetrated by people (mostly “males”) who chose to become despicable, emasculated mice.

Last Monday I put a piece of bread with rice and small pink pellets (poison) as a bait for a mouse which entered the house. It will die soon, like antagonists who have hurt me badly, for no reason.

My mind has been caught by hundreds of memories, violence perpetrated by my father (who died 18 years ago), evil human wreck. David was an abnormal individual, some kind of mutant; extremely weak both physically and mentally.

Images of my father and his cronies (relatives) are submerged under urine, and have spent many hours under the sun’s ultraviolet rays.

I don’t know for sure if David is dead, nor should I care. Flavio Evil Shrink (psychiatrist) must be ruined; he could be dead. His anus was rotting, just like David’s.

How can I overcome this Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? How can I heal?

I can assimilate (very severe) violence as part of the story of my life. Why did those antagonists hurt me so much? Because they were weak, cowards, vitally powerless.

I am the kind of person who awakens jealously and envy in other people. How can this be explained?

I was never a good student, but somehow, I was perceived as intelligent; “a brilliant underachiever”. Being a teenager (16 years old) I began becoming a sportsman. I had the looks of a high performance athlete, which I was not. I never won an important race, nor as a pedestrian runner or a cyclist (road race bicycling).

I must write about these phenomena. Once finished, I must read it aloud, record my speech and listen to it carefully, many times.

I have done very well. In spite of having lived suffering from a very bad mental pathology —Borderline Personality Disorder, BPD— I have been able to avoid becoming an addict to alcohol, tobacco or illegal drugs.

As I mentioned above, being a teenager I began becoming a sportsman. I was interested in a healthy stile of life, like proper nutrition habits. Because of that, being 62 years old, I am slim, physically fit and reasonably strong. So many men younger and much younger than me are overweight, fat; suffer from heart disease, diabetes, and possibly will suffer from cancer.

I taught myself mathematics and engineering subjects, as well as a foreign language, English. I became an English-Spanish translator, teaching myself. I have spent my life reading.

I am not a coward; I have never been such. Because of that (among other reasons), many weak individuals (emasculated mice) have hated me. I have spent years remembering violence perpetrated by those despicable foes; obsession has made of me a kind of invalid. But today, I can overcome all that, the very bad pathology which has hurt me so much (Borderline Personality Disorder) which origin was psychological torture perpetrated by my father.

I can heal

Many people would consider me a failure, even a human wreck, a pariah. I am not such, and I should not care about that, one bit.

Life is going to give me what antagonists intended to steal from me. I don’t believe in God. I am an atheist. But I believe there is an order in Universe.

Justice is coming, I know that for sure.