On PTSD —which I’ve suffered for almost five years—, and a X (formerly Twitter) account on workplace mental health resources

 

On 17 August 2021, a Tuesday, I was fired from a pharmaceutical company where I worked for six years and three months. A bully harassed me for over four years, and for two years and 10 months I was forced to live defenseless.

I was hired in April 2015. I underwent a medical examination as part of the hiring procedure. I was not young anymore. Three days later I would turn 51. Medical staff (a physician, general practitioner and a nurse) were surprised because my heart and lungs worked very well. The physician asked me if I suffered from some kind of health problem. I answered no, I lied.

I suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder, a very bad mental health problem, but I would not mention that to those employees (medical staff) because if I did that, I wouldn’t be hired.

High functioning BPD I have been.

After three months, the temporary contract became indefinite term contract. The director of de department I belonged said that I was very competent, I did my work very well. I thanked her for that.

Two years later, on 6 May 2017, a Saturday, I crashed in my bicycle and broke my left collarbone. No big deal, it was a simple fracture, after six weeks I would be ok. I was out on medical leave from 8 May (a Monday) to 21 June (a Wednesday). I went back to work on 22 June, a Thursday.

A coworker I did not like much began harassing me. He had a very bad reputation. I thought that he suffered from Narcissistic Personality Disorder, he had harassed other employees who were forced to resign and leave. Eventually (years later) I realized that he didn’t suffer from NPD, he was a malignant narcissist, a psychopath. He was 19 years my junior. I was 53 at the time, he was 34. Anyway, I was much stronger than him and physically fit. Had I hit him I would have injured him badly, but of course, I could not do that.

In December 2015 (I had been almost eight months in the company) an incident led me to inform the general physician that I had not been able to get a drug product, valproic acid. He asked me why I needed it, I informed him that I suffered from BPD, that was a huge mistake. He told me that he had asked me if I suffered from some kind of health problem when I was hired and I did not tell him. I lied again, I answered that I had not understood his question.

 

That general practitioner asked me to take a copy of prescription every time I went to see the psychiatrist who treated me. In October 2018 (I had been in the company for almost three and a half years), a woman who had been hired two months before began assaulting me. She behaved as if I was the most despicable person in the world. Omar, the bully, had been told by the director of our department to leave me alone, to stop harassing me. Two months before that I had written a letter to the head of the human resources department, informing him about Omar’s systematic aggression against me.

On the first Tuesday of October 2018, the physician (general practitioner) asked me to join him and the HR director because I had sent a message via WhatsApp to director of the department I belonged to. They treated the case as if I was a huge trouble. I was given the nest three days (Wednesday to Friday) as days off and asked me to go to the institution where I received medical attention (psychiatric) to get a document that could be used to prove that there was no risk of me becoming a (mass) murderer, one of the worst criminals in history. They wouldn’t want a criminal in the company who would be tried in the International Court of Justice in The Hague.

Having worked in that company for almost three and a half years, I was considered a very good employee. Punctuality and attendance almost perfect, same with productivity and high exam scores. But HR personnel handled the subject as if I was an undesirable employee, the worst who ever existed.

From then onwards, I was forced to live defenseless. Omar, the bully, told every employee who arrived to our department that I was a dangerous criminal and they were in serious danger. I couldn’t do anything. Had I tried to communicate this situation to HR or anybody I would be told “why do you imagine someone is hurting you?” Bullying, workplace violence (with abuse by proxy) and the like do not exist, it’s all fiction.

I suffered because I was crazy.

From the first days of October 2018 to August 2021 (that is, for two years and 10 months), I lived being harassed by Omar, and defenseless because HR personnel were forced to obey the orders given to them by the director of de department I belonged to; even if they (Human Resources personnel) did not report to her.  

I blogged, wrote about Omar, an effeminate narcissist and delinquent (he had been defaming me for over four years), many people learn truth.

I was fired on August 2021 (almost five years ago), and during this lapse of time I’ve suffered a very severe PTSD. This is because my father (1937-2007) was a malignant narcissist, a psychopath. Since I was a toddler, he made me responsible for everything that was wrong in his life (the violence he suffered, years and decades before I was born), and being a child he blamed me for everything that was wrong in the world, for the entire history of humanity.

My father tortured me, psychologically. Besides, I was born neuro-divergent, being unable to see with my left eye (35 percent vision, peripheral, unable to focus), suffering from ADHD never diagnosed. My mother did not take care of me.

I was able to avoid substance abuse, tobacco, alcohol and not legal drugs. I lived with suicidal ideation since I was seven or eight years old. I received psychiatric medical care, but three evil shrinks (psychiatrist) did not inform me or my parents that I suffered a very bad pathology. They would want me to commit suicide, or at least become a human wreck being an addict to the substances above mentioned.

I was the only son of four children. I had three sisters. The youngest died 20 years ago, her name was Veronica (1972-1976). We were the most vulnerable, my father ruined her and later attacked her, sexually; he tried to rape her. She died being 33 and a half years old, leaving three orphan children.

I learnt about her departure on 30 April 2006, a Sunday. I realized that I had lost the desire to live, for a second time.

Omar, the bully (malignant narcissist, a psychopath) who harassed me for more than four years in that pharmaceutical company was fired too. But he was not paid a big amount of money because his dismissal was justified. He had been working there for over 14 years, he found what he was looking for. I wouldn’t ever be sorry for him.

I have been alone for over a year. I never married nor had children. I am straight, but being very young, 24 years old (in 1988) I decided that I didn’t want a family. I am glad I chose to live this way. I was able to break the chain of destructiveness which so many people continue, being badly hurt by their parents, they do the same to their children.

I quit taking psychiatric drug products years ago. I will never again seek that kind of medical attention, for it didn’t help me in any possible way and three psychiatrist hurt me as much as they could.

I couldn’t say that I am happy, but I can say that I feel at peace and I feel I am healing. Being 62 I am slim, physically fit (I have been a sportsman for over 40 years, since I was 16 years old), reasonably strong. My physical health is very good and I have learnt to be with myself. Soon I will be able to do creative work, which allows human beings to transcend. I do not suffer from delusions of grandeur. I am a worldwide unknown man, and that is not going to change.

I appreciate that someone reads this. Thank you very much.